Journals
English JournalsIntroduction: 5-16-2007This afternoon one of my classmates informed me to attend a lecturing meeting which would be hold in 15 minutes. In order to get there in time I had to be as quick as possible. Still I had to take a notebook and a pen to make some notice. I
rushed into my studying room and picked up a half-used notebook and a pen and then ran downstairs towards the meeting room.
Only when I set down I noticed that the notebook which I took is one of my journal notebooks. In the first year of my postgraduate studying life we had a foreign English teacher, David Van Dreamlin, who taught us spoken and written English
. He asked us to write English journal everyday and handed in each week. He was
a very kind and strict teacher and always corrected our works carefully and gave
us some interesting comments which had encouraged us keep on writing.
Now my teacher David has gone back to the USA and nobody ask us to write journals anymore, as a result, I has stopped such writing since he left us. People are
too often lazy, so we need some push from outside.
In order to show my thanks to teacher David and has a memory for my studying life I decided to type all these journals here. (Each semester a student had two notebooks for this journal writing, so each of us has four and this is the fourth
of mine).
2-20-2006 Monday
I Can Not BeliveThis evening, about 7 o’clock, the phone-bell rang when I was doing dishes, It
was my 2nd brother calling me. From his voice I could tell there must be something very bad happened: “Sister, I’m now in our little brother’s house, could you and my brother-in-law come…”My husband was not at home at that moment. “What happened?” my heart beat heavily. I ran out my door, downstairs, directly to
my little brother’s house. Looking at their worried appearance I dared not to
ask “what happened?” until my second brother said with a crying tone “our father was diagnosed with severe liver cancer and it’s already the late stage which means even the best doctor can do nothing to save his life…” I could not believe my ears. How could my dad catch such bad illness? He has always been healthy and in my mind he is still very young. I have never taken him as an old man even though he is already 66years old.
My world suddenly collapsed, tears ran down my face. I didn’t know what I should do. If I could save my father’s life even at the price of my life I would like to do.
2-21-2006 TuesdayWhat Can I DoI stayed up all the night thinking about my dear father who was now tortured by
the devil cancer and my tear mother who was now still know little about my father’s illness. Because we are afraid that my mother can not stand such big below,
we didn’t tell her the truth. But sooner or latter she will know it, could she
stand it?
Now my parents are at my hometown which is 300 km away and only my elder brother
who can look after them is there. I really want to quit my studying and go back to be around my dear parents, However, I’m afraid that may make my parents more pain. I know that among all my siblings my father love me the best. He want me get good education, good job and live a happy life. My dropping out from school may equal to killing him.
What should I do? I have no mood to do anything but worrying.
2-22-2006 WednesdayI Dare Not to Face My ParentsAll these days, when I thought of my dad, tears would ran down my face. How eagerly I’m to go back to take care of my father. But I dare not. Because I know that I can not control my emotion. I’m afraid that my parents may read something
from my tearing face and my red eyes.
Tomorrow, my two younger brothers will go back my hometown to see my parents. But I dare not to.
Dear dad, can you read my heart?
My Goodness’, please give me a little guide, please help me, and please tell us
how to fight against the vicious devil. God, save me, please.
2-23-2006 ThursdayWhy the Night Is so Long
All these days, I can not free myself from the big sorrow about my father’
s sickness. During the daytime I forced myself to do as many things as I could do so that I had no time to think of any possible terrible result.
Everyday, for me, the most unbearable time is night. When all people go into their dreamland I stayed up in bed thinking of my dad who is now lying in hospital
torturing by the horrible tumor. My exhausted nervous keep on worrying, worrying
… I just can not sleep a little while.
Why the night is so long.
2-24-2006 FridayFather, the Strongest Pole for Us to Lean onBefore I gathered all my courage to make a phone call to my father I had thought
of several possible scenes most of which are negative: “I might hear a sad sigh of my father and thus I couldn’t control myself and burst into tears…”
Nevertheless, things turned out to be on the contrary: I heard the optimistic laugh of my dear father coming from the other side of the line: “Nothing serious,
my daughter, I feel couldn’t be better, I’m in perfect state. It’s just a small ailment. And I have a good appetite…don’t worry…” In the following time
my father told me some interesting thing which finally made me laugh and I heard
my dad’s bright and clear laugh again at the same time.
Hung up the phone, my bitter heart felt somewhat relieved.
Father, you are always the strongest pole for us children to lean on.
---to be continued.
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