New Streams of Life (20)
New Streams of Life (20)
Felt so tired today. Sitting at the laptop, I can’t focus on anything but to listen to Beethoven’s music. I prefer his music to Mozart’s these days. Today is
the third time that I went to Pannier Market. It seemed only but yesterday I was so anxious to set everything up: purchasing public/product liability insurance
, designing my store, calculating my budget, and shopping around for my suppliers. I was quite proud of myself on my first selling day. The profit I made, though small, couldn’t have been there had I not created the opportunity myself.
I should say I enjoyed the selling. I liked it when people tried my clothes on and liked them. Those clothes travelled far to get here and enriched someone’s wardrobe. The whole process was really fascinating for me. Reading Adam Smith’s
The Wealth of Nations becomes more relevant now. But on the other hand, I am not
happy with the speed of selling. I must have done something wrong.
It’s quite tiring to sit in the market, though I always carry my French learning books and one or two novels with me. The buzzing noise of my surroundings grated on my nerves at the end of day. My friend said that he would never go to Pannier Market to buy clothes, but nor did I. For that I don’t think I ever know who my target customers are. Every time I went there, they just came. Some are mums who bought my clothes for their absent daughters, some are tourists coming to
the market for a laugh or a novel experience, and some are just couples who rambled around to spend their disposable income.
Yesterday I purchased my stock a second time as I had scheduled. But today after
such an exhausting day, I felt quite down. The profit I made out of my stock is
quite negligible after I deducted all the overheads. With the amount of time and risk I took, I could have easily been able to make multiple times more had I took any part-time jobs. I was quite upset really. I don’t want to struggle through my life without tasting anything but the hardship and negative memories.
It is true that I want the selling and stock managing experience, but I wonder why I can’t make the expected profit alongside the doing. I want to move on as quickly as I could. The woman with a flowering shop opposite me said that customers would build up if you are present long enough. But I don’t think that’s the
correct answer. I took pride in myself in a way, because my education trained me to think logically and hopefully wisely. I don’t want to hear “life is hard”
as the guy selling Belgian vases behind my store reminded me all the time. If one leads a hard life, then probably it’s time to think differently to change the situation.
My friend’s father said that I should be proud of myself, being a girl living
in another country and owning an enterprising dream and trying to realize it. But I don’t know. Long before I had ceased to think I am different or superior, comparing to anyone else. In this world there are so many people trying to do things differently, and probably most of them do it because they have to. Like the
people in this market, they are self-reliant. They run stores in the market because they have to given their low education background. They probably never think
they are entrepreneurs.
Having said that I hope the education I went through could help me move on faster and hopefully more wisely as well. If possible, I like to keep myself emotionally detached to whatever I do. Such as the store I am running at the moment. I don’t want to talk about it all the time. In the market my neighbors like to focus their conversation on what they do. It’s quite dreary. Talk of the utmost banality, on prices of what other people sell and buy, on the inefficiency of the
market managing supervisor. A few comments were made on importing from China and on China itself. But it was so hopeless for me to explain. Nor did I think that they would ever care.
I don’t know what I would try to do after I finish my store later in October. The question—what should I do and what can I do?—used to bug me a lot and almost drove me to the edge of madness sometimes, as I couldn’t figure out the answer. But now come to think of it, do I really have to figure out the answer right
away? Several years ago when I left my county I was questioned the same question
by my father. I couldn’t tell him the answer but I just knew I left for good.
My inner self urged me to move on and I did. So why couldn’t I do the same now?
Why do I have to get an answer before I try different things and move on? I believe that if I never give up, I will figure out sooner or later.
My friend used to ask me what I want in my life. I used to get quite annoyed with the question, because I couldn’t define the answer. Now as time moves on, I think that what people want in life changes as time moves on. But in general what
can make you happy eventually is what you should go for. That’s nothing mysterious about it. I used to hate to think about this question because I thought once I decided what I want I would limit my vision. But the actual fact is if you didn’t define it you wouldn’t have any vision in the first place.
In my life I have lots of things I want to achieve: languages, design, travelling. I don’t see why I can’t achieve them once I am clear what I want. It should be only a matter of time, depending on how urgent I feel. My friend said that
probably I would leave China some day even if I hadn’t met him, as what I think is so different from lots of people he met over there. For that I don’t know.
But I did tend to hear negative viewpoints whenever I wanted to try something different. When I was about to graduate, my English teacher told us that we shouldn’t aim very high as a start as the society was ruthless and the competition
fierce. I am glad that I didn’t take his advice, and felt sorry for those who did. Rather I think in one’s life once should always try to aim as high as he/she can. How can you achieve your full potential otherwise?
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