New Streams of Life (22)
New Streams of Life (22)
I feel very happy today. But the feeling is not caused by a flicking moment but
a string of happenings. First I had my first returning customer in the market. The girl, who bought two pieces of clothes from me last week, brought her friend
to my store. They said they would come again next week after I told them that my
new stock would be arriving soon. Apparently word of mouth indeed works.
Secondly the buzzing market noise ceases to get on my nerves now. During my staying there today, I finished most of my scheduled French learning materials. I am
fascinated by the language as much as I was by English when I was a university
student: The more I learn it, the more I love to learn. I think finally I have passed the most trying stage of learning a foreign language: Feeling disheartened
and frustrated because of the seeming millions of grammar and vocabulary to grasp. I can think, write and speak in simple French now. The language becomes alive whenever I try to use it. And once it becomes alive, it instantly ceases to be
boring.
Another thing worth mentioning is I met the Chinese girl, who called me yesterday and asked me to be her friend, in the market today. I was quite surprised to receive her phone call to be honest. But on the other hand it was quite nice to have her visit me. She was actually one example of typical Chinese from the western point of view: hardworking, serious, and quite self-involved. Talking to her
made me quite uneasy actually, because she always looked so anxious and worried.
In her hand there was a scrap of paper on which there were lines of addresses of the companies she intended to visit. I wanted to find a job quickly, said she
apprehensively.
I didn’t know how to comfort her because she kept saying how she envied me. I smiled politely but didn’t try to explain. There was nothing I could explain if
she didn’t understand. The other day when I read comments in reply to my blog on BBC website, I had the same feeling. Most of the readers, who wrote me comments, just knew to say how lucky I am and how easy the life must be to me now. I don’t understand why. Maybe one never could understand how difficult the life could be unless they experienced it.
I guess that was also the reason I said in the other post that university life was relatively easy. It is true that you had to work hard to pass exams, and your
head would be often spinning because there were so many of them. But you never
need to worry about anything in terms of your whole life. In school taking exams
, reading a book, writing graduate thesis, working hard to get scholarship all can be your goal. But they are all foreseeable and hence achievable. In real life
there is nothing foreseeable and prospective unless you go and try to define it
yourself. And that, in my opinion, is the real hard bit.
The Chinese girl I met is actually at the same age as me. She followed her husband to Sweden and now England. I never had the intention to say her life was easy
, and hence was surprised to hear her say so about my life. She didn’t even know about me. The only proof she got was I even had the mood to learn French! But
why not? If one only knows to struggle in life without the mind of improving oneself, one probably would end up struggling always. I told my friend that I actually don’t mind to do things boring, as long as I know I can improve myself at
other aspects.
Coming to England made me lose my advantage of being bilingual, so I had to build up new advantages if I want to be a bit better than others. Trying to import,
learning French, sewing and Mandarin tutoring, or even doing odd jobs are all my
initiatives. It sounds cliché to quote “Life is a box of chocolate, You never
know what you're gonna get.” but it is absolutely true. Each proactive step we
try can turn out something different. We grow with it, and shall always grow for better if we remember to take in the positive side bit of it.
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