New Streams of Life (27)
New Streams of Life (27)
It’s getting hot over here. Opening the window at weekends, you can almost hear
the heat hissing though the window from the almost transparent air outside. There are always noisy kids, chilled-out adults chatting away, and nonstop lawn mowers at the neighboring gardens. I said to my friend that sometimes I felt as if
I were in exile, away from anyone and anywhere.
Have booked return tickets for going home in June. I am still stressed by the noise around me, traffic on the roads at working days, and neighboring noise at weekends. So twilight is always the best moment of my day. Holding my friends’ hand and meandering along the path in front of our place, there is sweet breeze caressing my naked skin, cool and calming.
I haven’t written anything for a long time, even though my emotions never stop.
They are always under my skin, troubling me at one time and exciting me at another. My friend and I still go out at every weekend and the thick and quiet forest is still our favorite. On Saturday or Sunday, we would just carry a big rucksack with lots of water and sandwiches earlier in the morning, headed off, dived into the green world, and wouldn’t head back till later in the afternoon.
I like the moors around the forest as well. Sometimes on the roads you could feel the soil under your boots. Or maybe I should say sand instead. Yes, it was just fine soft sand. Letting them sipping through my fingers, I felt I could almost
feel the lapsing of time and space, or rather I could almost forget the lapsing
of time and space around me.
The forest is still a mystery to me. The more you went there, the more you realized your feet could never measure out how massive the forest is. Every time you
go there, you can expect changes and the forest never fails you. I still remembered the day when my friend and I walked in the wood, the feel of soft leaves under our feet was so gentle and comforting. Then it was so nice to just take off your boots and sweaty socks, closing your eyes and basking in the sun. What’s more, you know at that still moment there is someone you care just sitting beside
you…
There are still lots of unhappiness in our life. But both of my friend and I have learnt to smile long since, because in real life nobody really wants to know you are unhappy. Asking is only but a courtesy. What’s only important is that you still care to listen to your heart and follow after your heart. Only by that
all the unhappiness and inconvenience, if not avoidable, won’t last.
In The Unbearable Lightness of Living by Milan Kundera, the writer argued about
which one to prefer, the lightness or the heaviness of life, and which one is more unbearable. But I prefer not to argue, and, if I could, I prefer to choose none of the two states above.
I long for long-lasting freedom, which neither of the lightness or the heaviness of life could offer me. I would much prefer not to choose, as choosing itself
is a limitation. But reality is reality after all. I think because of all the above, I finally made the decision heading for home for a break. I long for those
days when I was completely free of worries, or rather just not knowing how and
what to worry. Going home won’t change the reality overall, but at least I think I could wander along and have loads of uninterrupted time and space to think through.
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